Some mornings while I’m making breakfast I look at the couch and imagine you, still sitting there, beaming at me, in your sweatpants and your glasses and your hair tied up. A wave of peace rushes through me. There is some early morning television running in the background but neither of us is really aware of what it’s advertising. “What would you like?” I ask. You smile brightly, serene, as you quietly get up and walk toward the kitchen and wrap your arms around me. I rest my chin on the top of your head and shut my eyes, taking slow, deep breaths, savoring the moment and the scent of your shampoo.

And then the toaster pops and my eyes open and the couch has been moved and the TV is off and the entire kitchen smells like charred bread and I butter your toast and then throw it away.


"I wrote your name a thousand times and burned it all at once" - an exercise in purging (2014)

"I know not if this earth on which I stand is the core of the universe or if it is but a speck of dust lost in eternity. I know not and I care not. For I know what happiness is possible to me on earth. And my happiness needs no higher aim to vindicate it. My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose."

Today I visited the gravesite of one of my favorite authors, philosophers, and human beings. Rest in peace, Ayn. Happy World Book Day.
another assignment for my creative writing class
prompt: write a free verse poem incorporating the phrase “chain-link fence”

my creative writing class was assigned to write a quick free-verse poem and I was annoyed with this girl in class who won’t ever shutup so I wrote mine about her
ao-oa, I believe, has run it’s course. 

I started this blog nearly 2 years ago, not to earn some degree of internet notoriety, but to let some ideas out of my head. I was in a rough spot, and I knew that I enjoyed writing, but I knew that I wasn’t very good at it, so I figured I would start posting my ideas here as a sort of public journal. Much of the early work was entirely unedited. Even more recent pieces received very little attention on my own part. Largely, what I’ve posted here has been something of a stream of consciousness. These have never been polished, perfected, professional poems. I’ve never been a poet. I don’t want to be one. I’ve simply thoroughly enjoyed the catharsis of freeing thoughts into this void that is the internet, and as people began to take notice, I followed along and tried to keep up with demand. At this point, with so many of you watching (and still so few) I feel it’s a proper time to step back and assess things.
This blog was never supposed to be taken seriously. Much of why I’ve remained anonymous is because I didn’t want credit for the things I’ve posted here. It hasn’t all been my best work. It hasn’t all been worthwhile to read, but all of it has been worthwhile for me to write, and your feedback over the past 2 years has been invaluable. This has been a project about growing and exploring and experimenting for myself, and it turned into so much more. More than I want it to be, in truth. So maybe it’s time to lift the veil and step away and move on to the next adventure in my life.
My name is Jason. “ao-oa” are the vowels of my first and last name, respectively. That’s me in the photo up there. I am 22 years old, and I live in Connecticut, in the US. I am a student and a musician and a retail employee. I am not special. I am not a writer, but I do write from time to time. I don’t have any intention to keep up with this blog as I used to, but I will occasionally post some finished work that I feel comfortable with. I will be more active on my personal blog, which is jvsxn. You are all free to follow me there if you’d like, but know that it is not a writing blog.
My main focus over the past year has been my band. We’re called Endless, and we are a heavy melodic hardcore band (ffo: The Ghost Inside, For the Fallen Dreams, Sworn In). We’ve been fairly active, and are currently preparing to release our first full-length album Realist on We Are Triumphant Records. If you would like to listen to us, you can find our music on BandCamp or YouTube. This is where my primary focus is now, creatively and financially, and with regard to my time.
I must thank each and every one of you for being here and caring. I appreciate your support and kind words more than I could ever say. Everyone who has used my work in a class project, or told me that it helped them through hardships, or that it just got them back into the swing of writing themselves. Everyone who has downloaded Volume I (and my apologies for never putting Vol. II together). Everyone who has sent fanmail or reblogged or liked or criticized anything I’ve shared here. You’ve all helped me grow immensely over the past couple years and I couldn’t be more grateful. With everything I have: thank you.